I thought a cat running across my keyboard was dangerous. A recent report cites an “unsecured” penguin as the cause of a helicopter crash on remote “Bird Island” off South Africa. Don’t worry: No flightless birds were harmed.

The South African Civil Aviation Authority just released its report on a January 19th helicopter crash. The good news is despite severe damage to the helicopter, no one was hurt. And that includes penguins. The report is entertaining reading, to say the least.

The saga of the South African penguin’s helicopter crash

The helicopter was conducting an aerial survey off the island of Gqeberha in South Africa’s Eastern Cape province. It landed on Bird Island (no pun intended). A specialist stationed there asked the crew to transport a single penguin back to Port Elizabeth.

Was the transport for medical attention? Study? Was the penguin moving away from home? Or did the little guy just want to go for a ride? The report never says. All we know is that the surprise passenger wore his finest tuxedo for the flight.

The infamous helicopter flight off Bird Island

The report admits the pilot completed a “risk assessment.” But it scolds that the wildlife “was not in accordance with the Civil Aviation Regulations (CAR) 2011.” What was the problem? “The lack of secure containment for the penguin.” The little guy was on top of a towel in a cardboard box on the passenger’s lap. (With air holes!)

“The absence of a proper, secured crate meant that the penguin’s containment was not suitable for the flight conditions.”

The report explains that the helicopter took off, rising to 50 feet above the ground. That’s awfully high for a little penguin! The report doesn’t specify whether the penguin flailed around. Did he go full angry birds? We’ll never know. It just says the crate slid off the passenger’s lap.

The box (with penguin inside) jammed against the cyclic pitch control lever and pinned it in the far-right position. Translation: the aircraft rolled onto its right side and dove. The pilot couldn’t “wing it” and the helicopter crashed on Bird Island, 60 feet from its takeoff site. Helicopter: 0, Penguin: 1.

The pilot, passengers, and penguin are all unharmed. Though good luck convincing the penguin to ever leave Bird Island again.