Stealing lumber from a Minnesota farm didn’t seem like a crappy idea. But then things went sideways. Deputies responded to a call and found Matthew Bloomquist waist-deep in manure, his pickup truck buried in muck, and his shoes missing in action. Bloomquist, 29, told officers he was “helping a friend” move lumber, but police smelled BS. Sheriff Don Gudmundson told the New York Post, “The trip to the jail was made with the windows open.” And days later, the squad car still reeked.

Sheriff Don Gudmundson told Barstool Sports the deputies arrived to find Bloomquist “covered in manure from his waist to his feet,” dressed in jean shorts over long underwear, smoking a cigarette, and missing his shoes, which “the deputies assumed were somewhere in the manure pile.” It didn’t take long to figure out that Bloomquist’s story—he was “helping a friend” move lumber—was complete crap.

Getaway truck axle-deep in manure: sticky situation

The mess started when a local farmer reported lumber and tools missing from his shed—and noticed the suspects’ truck still stuck on his property. Bloomquist and an unidentified accomplice had apparently spent hours trying to free it. According to Deep Sentinel, Gudmundson called it a “blend” of manure and weekend rain that created the perfect trap.

By the time police deputies arrived, Bloomquist’s partner had fled, leaving him to deal with the mess—literally. The only thing sinking faster than the manure pile were Bloomquist’s excuses. He claimed his friend had bought the lumber, but police didn’t buy it.

Manure, mugshots, and Febreze

Deputies arrested Bloomquist on charges of burglary and possession of stolen property. But first, they had to clean him up. Deputy Craig Pogatshnik stopped at the garage to hose him down before booking.

Even after days of airing it out, Pogatshnik told Deep Sentinel he “doesn’t have enough Febreze to combat the aroma.” It seems Bloomquist’s escape plan didn’t just stink—it lingered.

A heist gone crappy

Bloomquist already had a record, including a 2012 burglary conviction and arrests for possession of burglary tools. Now he’s added a manure pit fiasco to his rap sheet.

If there’s one thing he proved, it’s that crime really does stink. From missing shoes to lingering odors, Bloomquist’s bad decisions left him knee-deep in trouble. Gudmundson’s words summed it up best: “Something doesn’t smell right.” Next time, maybe Bloomquist should steer clear of manure pits—or at least pack a pair of extra barn boots.