I hate when people roll coal on the highway. Smoking out the cars behind you with clouds of diesel exhaust fumes may be the rudest way in human history to make a point– short of resorting to violence. I’d ask “What would Barney the friendly purple dinosaur think of your actions?” But you just ground Barney down, burned him up, and belched his remains out your chrome-tipped exhaust pipe. While pointing and laughing.

That said, there’s one group of drivers that may grind my gears even more than the coal-rolling-Powerstroke-bois. That’s the inconsiderate jerks who pass you, then slow down. Especially when I have my cruise control on and I’m jamming along. You’re going to make me pick my feet up off the floor? The humanity!

When Duramax-driver Spencer Lewis posted a road rage story that to his TikTok (@WetlandGypsy) about these two groups pitted against one another, I definitely tuned in.

Like any good storyteller, Lewis sets the scene. “So me and Whitney, we run up to Fort Worth this morning. We run up there to get a pallet of ham.” Why a pallet of ham? I have no clue. I do know Lewis wasn’t up to driving. “I hunted this morning, so I was real tired. I said, ‘I’m gonna pull over. I’m gonna get you to take over driving for a little while.'”

His shut-eye didn’t last long. “She starts hollering, ‘baby, wake up, baby, wake up. So I come alive, and I said, what’s going on? Who died?'” I’m definitely stealing that response next time someone wakes me from a precious nap. But I digress. “She said, ‘I need to know how to black smoke.'”

It took a few exchanges for Lewis to figure out what in the Chevrolet she was talking about. Turns out she wanted to roll coal.

Rolling coal: couple goals?

I applaud Lewis’ first response. “We ain’t doing that. What are you talking about?” You know what they say: trust your gut.

Whitney protested. “Well, these punks in this car, she said, they got in front of me, they slowed down. They keep messing with me.”

She explained that she had cruise control set at 75 mph. But two guys in a white car kept passing the Duramax, getting in front of it, then slowing down to 60 mph. They forced her to pass and then, sure enough, they did it again.

Lewis says, “Well, while we’re having this conversation, come clicking up that left lane again. Sure enough, it’s that white car with them two dudes in it.” That was all he needed to see. He directed Whitney to get right in front of the puny car, lug the engine down to 1,000 rpm, then stamp the gas pedal.

“And boy, when I tell you, it looked like somebody lit a tire factory on fire in the middle of that interstate. There was a black cloud that Cheech and Chong would be proud of. She done it.”