These Cars Will Never Be Collectible. Never
As far as we know, no one has a crystal ball. Despite being unable to see the future, some cars that we can tell are special enough at the time to understand that they will be collectible cars. There are also plenty of cars that surprise us and end up being far more collectible than anyone could have ever guessed – looking at you, every Porsche 911 ever. On the other side of that coin, there are cars that we know will never be collectible. They just aren’t good or bad or anything enough to ever be significant. These are the least collectible cars imaginable.
Are all Cadillacs nice?
That’s a hard no. Cadillac is a name that exudes luxury. Hell, if you want to call something top-quality, you call it “the Cadillac of [blank]. However, not all Cadillacs are made equally. Take the 1997-2001 Cadillac Catera, for instance. MotorTrend points out this easily forgotten sad piece of American automotive history. This bean-shaped sedan was meant to appeal to folks who wanted a luxury American sedan but with the sporty handling of European cars. Cadillac marketed this pile as the “Caddy that zigs.” Lord help ’em.
Every Aston Martin is collectible, right?
Wrong. There aren’t cheap Aston Martins. For crying out loud, it’s James Bonds’ brand. It can’t have anything to do with regular people. Well, that was until the 2011-2013 Aston Martin Cygnet. This tiny two-seater subcompact exudes mystery from every angle. It is without question the most upsetting creature to ever wear the wings. I actually don’t even want to talk about it anymore.
The late 2000s were a weird time for American automakers
For some reason, Chevrolet felt it needed to respond to the PT Cruiser with something other than a fart noise. That desire led GM to make the 2008-2010 Chevrolet HHR SS Turbocharged. This is not only one of the worst-looking cars in the universe, but the name is also awful to say. It’s like if someone said, “Hey, can you make my Dodge Durango WAY worse-looking than it already is?”
Horseshoes and hand grenades
The Ford Probe GT is a great example of something that almost made it to be cool but came up just short enough to somehow still be horrible. The body shape isn’t bad; again, it’s *almost* cool. There are some interesting design features, but some features, like the blender-blade wheels and the choice to make it front-wheel drive, really put a hitch in its giddy-up. They are pretty rare, but so is the plague, and I don’t know anyone who wants that.
Don’t @ me, BMW folks
BMW has an endless roster of cars that people love to care about. However, the BMW 318 Ti ain’t one of ’em. It sports BMW’s smallest engine and the worst design by a long shot. Autocross racers care about them, but who cares? What autocrossers like don’t make for a collectible car. I’m not willing to say for certain that that is a natural law of the universe, but I’m not not willing to say it.
Some cars aren’t meant to last
The best of collectible cars is that anything that makes the cut gets to live on. The information is kept, and the cars are still in working order. This is a net positive for the world. However, that doesn’t mean all cars deserve the same level of care and preservation. So, when the big astroid comes for us, while we mourn the destruction of our world and species, at least we can rest in knowing that these horrible little monsters are going down with us.