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Rio Gezz is a Cleveland, Ohio resident with one cool muscle car. His baby is a Chevrolet Camaro SS with the 6.2-liter V8 and a Pro Charger supercharger kit that’s never lost a race. But it must go through a ton of gas, so I’m not surprised he’s starting a business. Gezz is willing to meet you, race you, and lose for a price…all to impress your girlfriend.

I was just minding my own business, scrolling through the sports cars and motorcycles on Facebook marketplace, searching for my next bad idea, when I spotted a fantastic post.

Title: “Pay me to lose a race / Pay me to do burnouts infront your friends or Ex House” The opening photo is a video of Rio’s black Camaro doing some sick burnouts. And the text was just as compelling. I was hooked.

Black Camaro coupe parked on a paved road in front of an empty field and. trees.
Chevrolet Camaro | Giorgio Trovato via Unsplash

“Have you ever lost a race while you was with your passenger seat princess? You ever get gapped and get embarrassed? Ever wanted to impress your girl with your car? Have your girl or ex ever call your car slow? You ever been pissed at friends, family or girlfriend? Well I’m here to solve all your issues. Have no fear my Camaro is here.”

No joke, if this “Pay me to lose a race” business fails, Gezz has a future in advertising. He succinctly summarized a problem that causes real emotional distress, then swooped in with a service that is a tangible solution. Here is his price list for meeting you and losing a race:

  • $75 at red light
  • $100 on the highway
  • $125 from a dig
  • $225 at the track

If beating Gezz will impress your significant other, these prices are a bargain. Have you seen how much a fancy dinner costs? Calling Gezz would be cheaper and much more fun.

The only downside I can think of is that a Camaro is such a common car, some “passenger seat princesses” may think you’re just racing a V6 automatic and won’t be impressed when you win. If your girl can tell that the car in the other lane has a supercharged V8 from its exhaust note alone, she just might leave you for Rio Gezz.

Chevrolet badge on the wheels of a black Camaro.
Chevrolet Camaro | Ashkan Forouzani via Unsplash

But wait, that’s not all! This enterprising GM fan also offers general hoonigan services. “You can pay me $150 to do a donuts for 30 secs in front of your ex , friend or family house.”

Don’t think 30 seconds will get the job done? Gezz’s got you covered:

  • $175 for 1 min and 30 secs
  • $225 for 2 mins and 45 secs
  • $325 until the police come

I love the “until the police come” addition here. Obviously Rio’s been there, done that. And he’ll do it again for the right price. Which, considering tire wear and ticket prices, is another bargain at $325.

If this sounds like exactly the service you need, then you had better get on Facebook and find Rio Gezz in Cleveland ASAP. He’s already taking bookings for March. Hoon safely y’all.

Next, read how a local club threw an 80-car parade for an eight-year-old’s birthday, or you can see a “Procharged” Camaro SS for yourself in the video below: