We Regret to Inform You Chevrolet Is Making a Corvette SUV
You knew it was inevitable. GM was bound to sink the great brand of Corvette into mediocrity. It held back from doing so for so long that we commend it for showing such restraint. But now, it’s time to take the brand to its inevitable conclusion and foul it. You knew a Corvette SUV would happen once Ferrari did the same with its Purosangue SUV. Oh, and also when the Mustang Mach-E became such a rousing success.
How do we know this Corvette SUV news is for real?
While certain brands become part of our culture, at the end of the day, they’re put on this earth to make money. Warming enthusiasts’ hearts is only a small priority. So now, GM is turning Corvette into a sub-brand by bringing out an electric Corvette SUV and four-door hatchback. You know, like the Mach-E.
If you’ve needed something more practical to drive for whatever reason but insisted that your garage can only house Corvettes, you are surely rejoicing. And of course, all of this is unconfirmed. You can’t speak of future products at GM. So we’re going by what Car and Driver says. It supposedly got a sneak peek of the design proposals.
Is Corvette primed to be diluted?
That doesn’t necessarily mean anything will come from them. Designers crank out all kinds of renderings and studios spit out clay models that never go beyond “What if?” But with the designer-speak accompanying what C/D has seen, it sounds legit. “Copies of nothing” and “encapsulated emotional purity” are typical superlatives that are prerequisites for car designer-speak.
It also sounds like C/D must have spoken to a GM marketing person as well. “Corvette is not just a brand, it’s a constantly evolving system paired with a dramatically different user experience.” There’s more. “The aim is not to beat Taycan and Cayenne at their own game but to create three American legends capable of breaking new ground by making the essence of Corvette scalable. To do so, that essence must at all times be in a state of progressive flux.”
The more you need to explain… It’s silly. Again, the superlatives try to create a narrative that justifies this move. But it’s also tinged with more than a bit of self-indulgent righteousness.
Should we expect a minivan and pickup truck Corvette?
What can we hope for in this bit of mixed news? That the Corvette SUV doesn’t become what a Mach-E is to a Mustang. And we can hope it represents more of what a Corvette is than a badge.
But we can ask, “Why does bonking a badge to a sedan and an SUV make them better than any of the other sedans and SUVs GM has made over the last few decades?” Because if it is just another corporate compromise from GM, then it won’t sell any better than if it had Pontiac or Saturn badges. Maybe those weren’t the best examples. Let’s say Buick or Cadillac badges.
GM needs to infuse what is compelling about the Corvette into everything it makes. GM should know how it created the Corvette magic. So GM, do that for everything you make.