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MotorBiscuit’s Freak Show Friday: 4×4 Failures

Off-road vehicles are supposed to look rugged and tough. That’s part of the attraction, besides being practical off-road vehicles. The higher the body lift and the taller the tires the better it cements the look. None of our six examples for Freak Show Friday capture that aggressiveness. Instead, they look dorky at best. They’re 4×4 failures. See if you don’t agree?

First 4×4 Failure

We have no idea what this is about. Remember what we said about the higher the lift making a 4×4 look better? Well, forget about that. There is no rational explanation for lifting this Suzuki like this. The lateral stress alone will collapse the suspension or rip it out of the chassis. And it can’t be for clearance as your clearance is only as good as your axle centerline. In this case that hasn’t changed. What we know for sure is that the driveshafts are nowhere to be found. So, maybe this is some kind of inside joke, while those of us on the outside find it too puzzling to laugh at. Or not.

4×4 Failure Deux

Here’s a well-done execution of a terrible idea. The classic Jeep grille only works for a Jeep, though we give props for the execution. And the paint, which makes this a Superleggera Freak Show. Besides that, the wheels and tires match and there is even chrome. Wow! We are assuming this is a VW bug body bonked onto a small 4×4 chassis. Especially with those vents in the hood, we’re thinking there is an engine lurking under there. Regardless, this is a freak of epic proportions.

#3

If ever there was a rolling freak show this is it. Again, it is a body stabbed onto a 4×4 truck chassis. All of the body parts appear to be mid-1970s Chevy A-body. There is a mix of four-door Chevelle and El Camino. Of course, the wheel openings have been hogged out and flared, and we’re especially fond of the double-stacked headlights. The grille is almost obscene but does go with the rest of this mess. For the most part, everything is well executed which is normally not the case for a cobbled-together freak like this. 

Uno Failure #4

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We think this is a Fiat Panda or Uno. You know, one of those Euro crapboxes. But really, does it matter? Rather than putting the spare on the back like most every other 4×4, this brainiac made the decision to stab it into the side. Maybe the window was broken and he was too cheap to buy new glass? So he used the tire to fill the hole? Sort of a two-for-one modification. Again, we’re seeing fairly good execution but horrible judgment. 

Freak Failure Five

We had this Corvette in another Freak Show Friday but we have resurrected it yet again for this week’s theme. It seems like almost all of our examples this week are finished well, with the common theme being good execution, poor judgment. That flies in the face of the usual freak which is poor execution and judgment combined. While the look and finish are good, and you might even like driving a heap like this, it is still a freak.

Last Freak Failure

This old Mercury with those big bulldozer rear tires is just a mess. We wonder how drunk the builder was when he was cutting on the body for those tires? Did he take measurements first or just start up the Sawzall. Or a torch, it’s hard to tell. You know a lot of alcohol was consumed in the completion of this Merc mess. But we give props to the builder for mostly completing this crappy conversion. He still needs some sort of tubular bumper and a winch up front to complete the freakish combination. We hope you have enjoyed these 4×4 failures.