Motorbiscuit Freak Show Friday: Four Fin Failures

We don’t know why some are compelled to restyle their cars with fins. It’s an odd freak show niche that we can’t explain. The reason we wonder is that blending 1950 jet-age fins to newer cars never blends well. Ever. Yet, we continue to see these mobile mismatched mutations here at Freak Show headquarters. So for today’s Freak Show Friday we present four fin failures far from favorites of ours.

Fin failure freak Dodge Magnum

We have always loved Dodge Magnums. In some ways, they’re the Chevy Nomads of the 2000s. They’re popular to customize and apparently more popular to mangle. That is what this started as. What it resulted in is a mix of 1950s customizing cues topped off by those fins. Whoever the builder was made every mod an ode to 1950s customized cars. From the canted headlights to split bumpers with dagmars, it’s klassic kustomizing

Is it a success? Only in the Twilight Zone. But as we’ve said in the past matching paint and wheels makes this a deluxe freak. So while the execution is above freak standards, what was executed is pure Freak Show Friday. And note that the background is a fitting match for the car.

Classic Chevy Freak Show mess

If you thought the last attempt at 1950 custom cars was repulsive, here’s one to rival it. Except it is not aping customizing but is rather trying to blend 1957 Chevy styling cues to a mid-1990s Camaro. Both great designs in their own right, the combination makes you hate them both. The combination of short wheelbase and long overhangs makes this a mismatch mess. If Mickey Mouse drove a 1957 Chevy this is close to what it would look like. 

It’s hard to know if this was a kit or a one-off? We wish it was a zero-off after looking at it. It’s like the saying, “It’s hideous but I can’t look away.” Would you call this “Chevrolero?” Nah, we’d just call it terrible.

Finned “PT Loser”

We only found one shot of this PT Cruiser with 1957 Chevy fins and trim and it’s just as well. Here’s a car that was designed to be old, but from the 1930s. Whether the builder decides to add fins to early or late cars the result is the same: bad. If we had to drive any of these finned four this would probably be the one. That’s so we could at least get decent gas mileage while driving something so embarrassing. Again, execution is way above Freak Show standards so kudos to the owner.

Caprice Classic casualty

Finally, if adding fins to this poor Chevy Caprice wasn’t bad enough the owner has added leopard dots onto it. Without the animal markings, it probably wouldn’t be too bad to look at. It just goes to show that mostly the choices Freak Show builders make know no bounds. The fins should have satisfied whatever pleasure or result the owner was after. But no, they had to add leopard spots for some insane reason. Again, freaks know no bounds. 


Freak Show Friday: The Inexplicable 3-Wheel Chevy Citation

Come back next week for another display of bad choices and worse nightmares at Freak Show Friday