Don’t Buy These 6 Trucks if You Want to Do Truck Stuff

Trucks are hot. But not every truck ever made was good at truck stuff. Those of us who buy trucks like that trucks can haul stuff, tow stuff, go off-road, and have a commanding presence on the road. If you want to do truck stuff, these are the worst trucks to buy.

But through the years there have been trucks that were terrible at truck things. Here are six that may do some things well, but not truck stuff.

GMC Syclone was great in a straight line

In 1991 this was one of the quickest vehicles you could buy. GMC was selling the dorky Sonoma compact truck at the time and needed to inject some coolness into the brand. So, they did what Buick did a few years earlier: GMC took a Sonoma, lowered it, painted it black, and stuffed in a turbocharged V6 with a factory rating of 280 horsepower. But, it couldn’t tow. You could only put a few hundred pounds in the bed, and it was too low to go off-roading. But, it was quick and it was cool.

The Lincoln Blackwood was like a Navigator, without the practicality

2002-lincoln-blackwood
2002-lincoln-blackwood front shot | Bring a trailer

The Lincoln Blackwood only survived for one year. Luckily. It was kind of a Ford F-150 with a shortened Lincoln grille grafted on, a lot of leather and tacky chrome, and a fixed tonneau cover. Yes, it has a bed. But no, you can’t really use it like one. The bones of this truck were the F-150, but all of the utility of the truck was removed because the bed cover only popped up, not off. Sure, you could put long things back there, but not tall things. In 2006 the Lincoln Mark LT truck would show what a good Lincoln truck would look like.

The Hummer H2T was mostly useless as a truck

The Hummer H2T looked cool, but it failed at truck stuff because of its mini bed.
2006 Hummer H2T | General Motors

In the early 2000s Hummers were the coolest SUVs you could buy, especially the H2. They looked tough and backed up their looks with a platform borrowed from the GMC Sierra truck. But when General Motors decided to make a truck out of the SUV, it didn’t work. Not only did it look funny, but the “bed” was 2’10”. That’s it. While the SUV version has lockable space for your stuff, the H2T’s bed only had enough room for a cooler in the bed.

The Chevy SSR was like a BMW Z4 with a 4.5-foot long trunk

The SSR was discontinued.
The Chevrolet SSR pickup truck | Dimitrios Kambouris/WireImage for Bragman Nyman Cafarelli

The Chevrolet SSR is what happens when a manufacturer actually tries to sell a concept car. In 2000 Chevy launched the SSR and it was cool because it was a convertible truck. Except it wasn’t. Like the Blackwood, it has a useless bed. Like the Syclone, it was too low to go off-road.  It only seats two. And, the first examples were hampered with a boat-anchor small V8. Regardless, they’ve found a market today with collectors who love having an American-made convertible that can keep up with BMWs and has a 4.6-foot bed.

In the 1970s you could buy a Cadillac truck at your local dealership

A silver Cadillac Coupe DeVille truck
Cadillac Mirage | Bring a Trailer

In the 1970s if you liked El Caminos but wanted the luxury of a Cadillac, you were in luck. The Mirage was a Cadillac Coupe DeVille with a bed that you could buy at your local dealer. The company Traditional Coach Works made the truck that was anything but traditional. The Mirage featured Cadillac’s best leather, chrome, and wood of the era, as well as its 500-cubic-inch monster V8. Interestingly, TCW wasn’t the only company to see truck potential in the luxo barge. Several companies made Caddy-caminos in the 1970s.  

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