You can’t make this one up. Canadian law enforcement is still searching for four suspects in what must be one of the dumbest trucks heists we’ve ever seen. The crime quad allegedly stole two semi-trucks hauling a combined $200,000 worth of butter. Yes, butter. Some people steal Ford Mustangs from the factory. But not these lads. They rolled two massive trucks full of butter straight from a plant in Ontario. We have so many questions; What do they plan to do with all that butter? Is there a hot black market for the stuff?
Crimes are crimes even if they are stupid
According to blogTO, these were not normal butter delivery trucks (whatever that means.) No, these were massive freight liners that combined carried over 400,000 kilos of butter. Local police value the stolen product, I mean, butter, at roughly $200,000. I’m sorry, but that is too much butter.
Even the police didn’t want to say “butter thieves” in the official statements. “On December 26, 2021, at approximately 9:45 a.m., Quinte West OPP responded to a trucking facility on Glen Miller Road in Trenton after a report of two transport trucks being stolen,” reads a release issued by Ontario Provincial Police on Wednesday.
What makes this even more absurd is the fact that these four suspects allegedly pulled off their butter truck heist on Christmas day, well, night. “Investigation determined that at approximately 11:00 p.m., on December 25, 2021, four suspects broke into the facility after being dropped off near the location by someone driving a black sport utility vehicle (SUV).”
How did the butter thieves pull off the semi-truck heist?
The authorities say that the four amigos drove to the butter facility in a black SUV. They then stole the two trucks needed to haul their greasy loot. They then hooked up one massive trailer full of that Wisconsin bang-bang to each truck.
At first, you may have believed the thieves were merely stealing the semi-trucks, which in and of themselves are probably worth more than the creamy gold. However, the fact that they took the time and energy to hook up the trailers full of butter shows that they indeed wanted the butter specifically.
Hang in there; it gets even crazier
#QuinteOPP are investigating the theft of about $200,000 in #Butter. Two trailers were stolen from a facility on Glen Miller Rd in #Trenton on Dec 26. Trucks/Trailers have since been located in the #Toronto area emptied of all contents. Know something? Call OPP 1-888-310-1122^dl pic.twitter.com/AFGU4tWNVZ— OPP East Region (@OPP_ER) December 29, 2021
We have seen plenty of stories of thieves doing really dumb things that eventually lead to their capture or some other demise. But what they don’t often do is ditch the most valuable parts of the heist. Well, that is exactly what these geniuses did.
The authorities found the stolen trucks and trailers two days later in two different locations two days after the theft. And wouldn’t you know it, every last stick of butter was removed from the semi-trucks.
The police are concerned with police things like who took the butter and where they went with it. But let’s be honest, none of us care about who did it; all we want to know is “why?” What in the hell do you do with $200,000 worth of butter. It isn’t even a mundane item that is in shortage. It’s just butter.
Whatever the reason might be, it feels like there can’t be one good enough to make us say, “Oh, ok. I get that.” Impossible. Well, if you happen to come across someone slinging that creamy good-good on the corners for the low, I guess you should either call the police or simply ask “why?”